[ The creaking stops, as if he listens, relaxing his grip so he doesn't break it. He doesn't want to lose his only current method of talking to Robin, wouldn't be able to survive the week with his mind in tact. It's brittle enough already, itching at the side of his concentration, twisting with thoughts and words still sinking in.
He picks bits and pieces of focus on, words that ring familiar or seem particularly important; wasteland, Nel, contract, property, Tek. The last grabs, forces him into sharpness, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. He rememberz that, remembers the name, remembers how it felt when he thought he had been replaced.
At first he laughs, a soft sound swiftly joined by the clatter of his communicator falling onto the floor. Of course, of fucking course. Who else would it have been?
Pain starts in his chest, like a fire that moves through his veins, scorching. Bile in his throat, fingers twitching as the urge to hit something rises. ] Tek. [ He growls out, just before a fist flies out and hits the wall. The sound is loud, deafening, echoes through the empty room - a thick bang and the crack of bone.
How right he had been back then. How right he had been when Robin claimed otherwise.
Replaced, forgotten, not supposed to be here, not wanted. ]
Yeah. [ Michael can barely keep the growl from his tone, as if his earlier display wasn't enough to alert Robin to the dramatic shift his mood has taken. ] Dying hurts like a bitch.
[ It hardly matters what else Robin had said, not now, tunnel vision has taken him and at the end of it lays Tek. ]
[he thinks he remembers this part, too. Michael gets jealous. Michael isn't a great listener. it hardly compares to Robin's long run of horrible traits, but that doesn't keep it from making this conversation more difficult.]
Yeah, it does.
[Michael can't remember anything about himself; what a horrible feeling it must be, to have been forgotten by someone else, too.]
Can you still listen? Tell me when you're settled.
[ It is horrible, painful, he isn't able to put it to words but he feels like he is drowning. Angry at a man he doesn't know, angry at Robin, despairing. He would have been angry regardless of who it was Robin replaced him with, but this? It feels like an salt rubbed into an already angry wound.
He barely notices the pain in his hand, or the way the skin goes red, just scowls at the communicator. ]
I'm fine.
[ Short, curt, not at all fine. He'll know better, he'll know Michael is lying through his teeth. Not fine, not at all. ]
[not fine. he knows. he was just yelling at a friend about how he was "fine" a few hours ago. he doesn't want him angry, but... he probably deserves it. he doesn't know. it's telling that this doesn't have the bite with him that it should, doesn't rip into his thoughts the way that it might have once done. he needs to learn him all over again.]
Look... This isn't your fault, all right? For what little it's worth, I'm sorry.
[he sounds... steady, but a little hollow. this is a pain he's familiar with--people being disappointed in him, or about him.]
You, of all people, have every right to be hurt. I understand.
[ There is shuffle on his end as he curls in on himself again, staring down at the communicator but not touching it. Might break it if he does. Doesn't want to break it, not his only lifeline.
He wants something else, some else edge of Robin's tone, some sort of assurance that isn't coming. It's selfish, pathetic, but he wants it all the same. Wants things to be back to how they were, when he wasn't forgotten but remembered. When he was held so close he might as well lived in his chest.
The noise that leaves Michael next is smaller, more a whine than anything else. The pathetic noise of a despondent animal. ]
What am I now? [ It's the important question, isn't it? ] You forgot, 'm not suppose to be here. So what the fuck am I? An unwanted memory?
[he laughs, suddenly. it's breathy and faint. maybe a little nervous. but still...]
I was scared you'd hate me, still, after all this time. That's what I thought, when I saw you--that I'm going to break your heart. You have presence here. I care about how you're feeling, even now, and about what you think of me.
I don't know how you fit into my new life, but if you'd... still put up with me, I'd like to learn. Re-learn. Get to know you again.
[ What a odd thought. How could he hate Robin? He tries for a moment to think about it, but he can't fathom it. Couldn't do it, even if he's reaching in and twisting the blade that feels like it was never truly removed. ]
Don't think I could. You hollowed out my chest and lodged yourself in there ages ago. [ He has tossed others aside for less, like a used piece of rag. But Robin, Robin, he's different always been different. More important. ] Feel like shit, but I don't hate you.
[ Re-learn, get to know him again. Not abandoned. Should be happy to hear that, relieved, but it doesn't ease as much as he thinks it should. ]
[that's... not something he should have said, but it's muttered for him anyway. Michael can't see him fidgeting with his palms, remembering the way it used to be.]
You have nice hands, too.
[doesn't hate him? that's more than he deserves. a thousand times more.]
Just get through the week. It'll be easier when we're not stuck on different ships.
[ He rests his head against the wall, tension draining from his limbs, almost exhausted. Fingers grip his clothes, tightening then relaxing, over and over again. Get through the week, get through the week. It shouldn't be hard expect where it is. He hates it here. ]
Won't be easy, don't think I'll be able to sleep. [ Not a bad thing considering how much sleeping has gotten him in trouble in the past. ] Not without the sound of your pulse. It's too quite here.
[it's a very flattering thing to hear. that's why he used to like him, isn't it? that, and his fire. his anger. his unwavering dedication and obsession. he was fun. still is, probably.]
I know. I was never actually on the Marsiva... I think I got here when the trip was just starting.
You might like the ships better. They're shitty, but the engines have a nice hum to them. Everyone gets cozy. The rat vents are kind of cute.
[he pauses.]
I'm kidding. They're ugly. Have you tried ripping out your augment, yet?
[ Calm enough now that he picks up the communicator again, cradles it in his hand. Too far, doesn't like it, he itches to leave the Marsiva, itches to find Robin. What he'll do he isn't sure; maybe just cling, steal his bed and wrap himself in anything that bares his scent for a few hours. ]
Lived in worse places, it'll probably be fine. [ A beat. ] Used to eat rats too.
Ah, well. There's an augment in your neck, under your skull. Feels like a little bump, in most cases.
[...this is nice, just talking about something stupid. normal. he clings to this instead of thinking about going forward, or all the time they're going to have to wait.]
I don't recommend trying to remove it. You'll probably pass out. It's psychologically taxing.
Michael reaches around to the back of his neck, feeling the bump with his fingers. How didn't he notice it before? Occupied likely, hadn't bothered to see whether or not they had done anything to him. Or listened if they told him. Yeah, he's real shit at listening. ]
Well shit.
[ For a moment he considers actually trying to pull it out. ]
I don't like it. I try not to think about it, most of the time.
[because he then has to consider how Atroma could put a foreign object in his flesh without his blood trying to destroy it. even he doesn't have a complete mastery over his own body--how could Atroma have done it?]
[ Information, words, things he knows he shouldn't know but he does. The slight tingle where flesh tries to knit itself back together, but can't. Obstructed. Michael groans, poking at the lump once more before dropping his hand. ]
Yeah? [ A sniff. ] I've always been good at fighting and shit.
I have the enginessss. [he says it through a sudden smirk, through his teeth, since the thought strikes him as hilarious. despite it all, despite everything they'd just said.] Someone thinks it should be up to me to keep us in the sky.
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audio
He picks bits and pieces of focus on, words that ring familiar or seem particularly important; wasteland, Nel, contract, property, Tek. The last grabs, forces him into sharpness, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. He rememberz that, remembers the name, remembers how it felt when he thought he had been replaced.
At first he laughs, a soft sound swiftly joined by the clatter of his communicator falling onto the floor. Of course, of fucking course. Who else would it have been?
Pain starts in his chest, like a fire that moves through his veins, scorching. Bile in his throat, fingers twitching as the urge to hit something rises. ] Tek. [ He growls out, just before a fist flies out and hits the wall. The sound is loud, deafening, echoes through the empty room - a thick bang and the crack of bone.
How right he had been back then. How right he had been when Robin claimed otherwise.
Replaced, forgotten, not supposed to be here, not wanted. ]
Yeah. [ Michael can barely keep the growl from his tone, as if his earlier display wasn't enough to alert Robin to the dramatic shift his mood has taken. ] Dying hurts like a bitch.
[ It hardly matters what else Robin had said, not now, tunnel vision has taken him and at the end of it lays Tek. ]
audio
Yeah, it does.
[Michael can't remember anything about himself; what a horrible feeling it must be, to have been forgotten by someone else, too.]
Can you still listen? Tell me when you're settled.
audio
He barely notices the pain in his hand, or the way the skin goes red, just scowls at the communicator. ]
I'm fine.
[ Short, curt, not at all fine. He'll know better, he'll know Michael is lying through his teeth. Not fine, not at all. ]
audio
Look... This isn't your fault, all right? For what little it's worth, I'm sorry.
[he sounds... steady, but a little hollow. this is a pain he's familiar with--people being disappointed in him, or about him.]
You, of all people, have every right to be hurt. I understand.
audio
He wants something else, some else edge of Robin's tone, some sort of assurance that isn't coming. It's selfish, pathetic, but he wants it all the same. Wants things to be back to how they were, when he wasn't forgotten but remembered. When he was held so close he might as well lived in his chest.
The noise that leaves Michael next is smaller, more a whine than anything else. The pathetic noise of a despondent animal. ]
What am I now? [ It's the important question, isn't it? ] You forgot, 'm not suppose to be here. So what the fuck am I? An unwanted memory?
audio
[he laughs, suddenly. it's breathy and faint. maybe a little nervous. but still...]
I was scared you'd hate me, still, after all this time. That's what I thought, when I saw you--that I'm going to break your heart. You have presence here. I care about how you're feeling, even now, and about what you think of me.
I don't know how you fit into my new life, but if you'd... still put up with me, I'd like to learn. Re-learn. Get to know you again.
audio
[ What a odd thought. How could he hate Robin? He tries for a moment to think about it, but he can't fathom it. Couldn't do it, even if he's reaching in and twisting the blade that feels like it was never truly removed. ]
Don't think I could. You hollowed out my chest and lodged yourself in there ages ago. [ He has tossed others aside for less, like a used piece of rag. But Robin, Robin, he's different always been different. More important. ] Feel like shit, but I don't hate you.
[ Re-learn, get to know him again. Not abandoned. Should be happy to hear that, relieved, but it doesn't ease as much as he thinks it should. ]
Yeah.
audio
[that's... not something he should have said, but it's muttered for him anyway. Michael can't see him fidgeting with his palms, remembering the way it used to be.]
You have nice hands, too.
[doesn't hate him? that's more than he deserves. a thousand times more.]
Just get through the week. It'll be easier when we're not stuck on different ships.
audio
[ He rests his head against the wall, tension draining from his limbs, almost exhausted. Fingers grip his clothes, tightening then relaxing, over and over again. Get through the week, get through the week. It shouldn't be hard expect where it is. He hates it here. ]
Won't be easy, don't think I'll be able to sleep. [ Not a bad thing considering how much sleeping has gotten him in trouble in the past. ] Not without the sound of your pulse. It's too quite here.
audio
I know. I was never actually on the Marsiva... I think I got here when the trip was just starting.
You might like the ships better. They're shitty, but the engines have a nice hum to them. Everyone gets cozy. The rat vents are kind of cute.
[he pauses.]
I'm kidding. They're ugly. Have you tried ripping out your augment, yet?
audio
Lived in worse places, it'll probably be fine. [ A beat. ] Used to eat rats too.
[ The next pause is longer... ]
No?
audio
[...this is nice, just talking about something stupid. normal. he clings to this instead of thinking about going forward, or all the time they're going to have to wait.]
I don't recommend trying to remove it. You'll probably pass out. It's psychologically taxing.
audio
Michael reaches around to the back of his neck, feeling the bump with his fingers. How didn't he notice it before? Occupied likely, hadn't bothered to see whether or not they had done anything to him. Or listened if they told him. Yeah, he's real shit at listening. ]
Well shit.
[ For a moment he considers actually trying to pull it out. ]
Think I'll pass.
audio
You'll probably find that it went and put a few things in your head. Information, mostly. Got any idea which job you're supposed to have?
audio
Yeah it's... [ How he explain it? It's weird for anyone, but for him it's even worse. He doesn't just know things. He never has. ] uncomfortable.
Something about security.
[ Fingers press into skin, press against the augment, and he hisses. ]
audio
[because he then has to consider how Atroma could put a foreign object in his flesh without his blood trying to destroy it. even he doesn't have a complete mastery over his own body--how could Atroma have done it?]
Figures you'd get the guns, though.
audio
[ Information, words, things he knows he shouldn't know but he does. The slight tingle where flesh tries to knit itself back together, but can't. Obstructed. Michael groans, poking at the lump once more before dropping his hand. ]
Yeah? [ A sniff. ] I've always been good at fighting and shit.
audio
audio
Who that that was a good idea?
audio
audio
audio
You missed the space fight, though. That was a riot.
audio
[ He already misses the feel of solid ground beneath his feet. ]
Really? Damn.